If you’ve ever felt a pang of guilt for letting your toddler babble at Grandma on an iPad for 20 minutes while you finally finish a lukewarm coffee, take a breath. Even the strictest pediatric guidelines—the ones that usually act like a single minute of Cocomelon will melt a child’s brain—make a massive exception for video chatting.

Why? Because video calling is socially contingent.

When a child pushes a button on a "learning" app and a light flashes, that’s a feedback loop. But when a child says "Look, Grandma!" and Grandma gasps and says "Is that a blue truck?", that’s a relationship. Research shows that even kids under two, who generally suffer from "video deficit" (the inability to learn well from 2D screens), can actually learn new words and social cues via video chat because the person on the other end is responding to them in real-time.

Ask our chatbot about the latest research on video calls and brain development

Let’s be real: A digital hug doesn't smell like laundry detergent, and you can’t feel the weight of a friend's hand during a game of Tag.

Face-to-face play involves a "sensory symphony." Kids are reading micro-expressions, navigating physical space, and dealing with the "ick" factor of shared toys or actual mud. In-person play teaches impulse control (not hitting when you're frustrated) and spatial awareness in ways a screen simply cannot.

However, video calls serve a different, equally important purpose: Continuity of Connection. It’s the bridge that keeps the relationship alive between the "real" visits. It turns Grandma from a stranger in a photo to a living, breathing person who knows that your kid is currently obsessed with Skibidi Toilet (unfortunately) or finally finished The Wild Robot by Peter Brown.

Not all video call platforms are created equal. Some are just "talking heads," while others actually facilitate play.

Ages 3-8 This is the MVP for long-distance relatives. It’s a video calling app with a built-in library of books and activities. Instead of the awkward "So... what did you do at school today?" (to which the answer is always "Nothing"), the adult and child can read a book together or color the same digital page in real-time. It turns the screen into a shared tabletop.

Ages 6-12 Facebook’s "diet" version of Messenger. It’s controversial because, well, it’s Meta, but the parental controls are actually top-tier. Kids can’t "discover" people; you have to approve every single contact. The AR filters and mini-games make it feel more like "hanging out" than "calling." Warning: The stickers and filters can get a bit "brain rot" adjacent if they spend the whole time just turning their faces into tacos.

Ages 8+ Wait, isn't this a game? Yes, but for older kids, Roblox is the video call. When they jump into a private server with friends and use the built-in voice chat, they are engaging in "joint media engagement." They are problem-solving, negotiating rules, and laughing together. It’s the digital version of the neighborhood playground.

Ages 10+ (with supervision) Simple, encrypted, and works on every device. It’s great for the "video message" (asynchronous play). My kids love sending 10-second clips of a "cool jump" or a Lego build to their cousins. It’s low-pressure and keeps the thread of the friendship going.

Check out our guide on setting up Messenger Kids safely

If you just hand a 4-year-old a phone and say "Talk to Aunt Jen," it’s going to be a 30-second call that ends with the phone face-down on the carpet. You have to bridge the gap.

At this age, kids are egocentric. They don't want to "chat"; they want to show.

This is the sweet spot for shared activities.

Tweens often find direct eye contact on video calls awkward (don't we all?).

Video calls feel safe because you know who is on the other end, but there are a few "no-BS" rules to keep in mind:

Learn more about teaching kids digital boundaries

If your child is starting to prefer "digital hugs" over going outside to play with the neighbor, it’s time for a "check-in" conversation.

What to say: "I love that you can play Roblox with your cousin in Ohio. It's so cool that technology lets us do that! But remember how your eyes feel kind of 'crunchy' after an hour? That’s because screens don't give our bodies the 'real-world' input we need. Let’s go hit some actual tennis balls for 20 minutes to balance it out."

The "Ohio" Factor: If your kid starts calling their video calls "Ohio" (slang for weird/cringe) or saying the connection is "mid," don't sweat the slang. Just focus on the quality of the interaction. Are they laughing? Are they sharing? Or are they just staring at their own reflection in the corner of the screen? (Pro-tip: Most kids spend 90% of a video call looking at themselves. It’s a developmental phase, not just narcissism!)

Video calling is a supplement, not a substitute.

It is a fantastic tool for maintaining "attachment" when distance or circumstances keep people apart. It’s "real" play in the sense that it involves real emotions, real turn-taking, and real memories. But it lacks the physical and sensory "data" that helps a child’s nervous system learn how to navigate the world.

Think of video calls like vitamins: they fill the gaps and keep the system running. Think of face-to-face play like the whole meal: it’s where the bulk of the growth happens.

Ask our chatbot for more creative virtual play ideas