In most areas of a kid's life—school, sports, music lessons—failure is often treated as a "bad" outcome. You get a lower grade, you sit on the bench, or you hit a sour note.

In gaming, failure is a mechanic.

Games like Dark Souls or Cuphead aren't designed to be beaten on the first try. They are designed to be failed fifty times. Each "Game Over" is a data point. It tells the player: "That jump didn't work," or "You need a different item for this boss."

When a kid gets stuck, they are forced to move from passive consumption (just pushing buttons) to active problem-solving. They have to analyze what went wrong, regulate their emotions (eventually), and try a new tactic. That is the definition of a growth mindset.

Learn more about the psychology of gamer rage and how to handle it

Not all games are created equal. Some games, like certain Roblox "Obbys" (obstacle courses), are just poorly designed and frustrating for no reason. Others are masterclasses in teaching kids how to fail forward.

Ages 10+ If I could pick one game to teach resilience, it’s this one. You play as a girl named Madeline climbing a mountain. The game is hard, but it’s incredibly kind. Every time you "die," you respawn instantly at the start of that specific screen. The game even tells you: "Be proud of your death count! The more you die, the more you're learning." It’s a literal metaphor for mental health and persistence.

Ages 8+ This isn't just an adventure; it's an engineering simulator. When kids get stuck here, it’s usually because a bridge is broken or a mountain is too steep. They have to build contraptions using "Ultrahand" to solve the problem. If the machine they built falls apart? They have to iterate. It teaches kids that there isn't just one "right" answer—there are a dozen ways to solve a problem if you’re willing to experiment.

Ages 10+ This is the gold standard for logical resilience. It’s a first-person puzzle game where you use a "portal gun" to navigate rooms. Some of these puzzles are genuine head-scratchers. Your kid will get stuck. They will walk away. They will think about it while brushing their teeth, and then they'll come back with a "Eureka!" moment. That feeling of overcoming a mental wall is addictive in the best way possible.

Ages 12+ (Teen) This is a "roguelike," which is a fancy gaming term for "you are supposed to die constantly." In Hades, when you die, you go back to the beginning, but you keep your upgrades and the story actually progresses. It reframes "losing" as "progressing." It’s brilliant, stylish, and teaches kids that the journey matters more than the final boss.

Check out our guide on teaching a growth mindset through gaming

We need to be honest: not every game is building grit. If your kid is playing Skibidi Toilet Tycoon on Roblox for six hours, they aren't learning resilience; they’re just stuck in a low-effort dopamine loop.

Resilience is built when the challenge is proportional to the reward.

Games that are "pay-to-win" (where you can just buy your way out of a hard level with Robux) actually undermine resilience. They teach kids that if things get hard, you should just open your wallet. That’s why we generally recommend "premium" (buy-once) games over "free-to-play" games with endless microtransactions when you're looking for quality developmental play.

At this age, emotional regulation is still a work in progress. Stick to games like Super Mario Odyssey or Minecraft in Creative Mode. When they get stuck, don't just take the controller and do it for them. Ask: "What do you think the game wants you to do here?" or "Should we look at a YouTube tutorial together?"

This is the prime age for "gamer rage." Teach them about the "Tilt." In gaming, "tilting" is when you get so frustrated that you start playing worse, which makes you more frustrated. It’s a death spiral. Teach them that walking away for 10 minutes to grab a snack is a legitimate gaming strategy.

Teens can handle the high-intensity frustration of games like Elden Ring or competitive shooters like Fortnite. Here, the resilience is social as well as mechanical. They’re learning how to lose to a real person without being toxic in the chat.

Next time your kid is on the verge of a "Game Over" induced explosion, try these conversation starters:

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We want our kids to be the kind of people who don’t give up when a math problem gets hard or when a friendship hits a rocky patch. Believe it or not, that grit can start on the couch with a controller in hand.

The "Game Over" screen isn't a failure; it’s a prompt to try again, but smarter. Our job isn't to make the game easier for them—it’s to be the "Player 2" who cheers them on while they figure out how to beat the boss on their own.

Check out our guide on the best cozy games for when your kid needs a break from the stress