TL;DR: Giving one child a phone while the others wait is the ultimate "it's not fair" trigger, but treating tech like a driver's license—based on readiness milestones rather than just age—is the only way to survive. Start with a "bridge device" for the younger ones and a clear contract for the new phone owner.
Quick Links:
- Bark Home (for monitoring without being a helicopter)
- Gabb Phone (the "starter" hardware)
- Pinwheel (another great non-smart smartphone)
- Messenger Kids (the "training wheels" for social)
If you've spent more than five minutes in a school pickup line lately, you know that "fairness" is the currency of the playground. But in the digital world, fairness is a trap. If you give your 12-year-old a phone because they have late-night soccer practices across town, and your 8-year-old demands one because "it's only fair," you're looking at a situation that is, as the kids say, "totally Ohio" (which is Gen Alpha for weird, cringey, or just plain wrong).
The reality is that about 25% of kids have a smartphone by age 10, and that number jumps to nearly 75% by age 12. But those percentages don't account for the chaos inside a multi-child home. When the eldest gets that glass rectangle of freedom, the younger siblings see it as a status symbol, a toy, and a portal to the "cool" stuff—like Skibidi Toilet marathons or watching MrBeast give away a private island.
Ask our chatbot for a script on explaining "readiness" to an 8-year-old
We don't give 10-year-olds car keys just because their 16-year-old brother got a license. We need to treat digital access the same way. The "It's Not Fair" drama happens because we often fail to define why the older child is getting the phone.
If the phone is a utility (safety, logistics, communication), it’s a tool. If the phone is a toy (games, TikTok, social clout), it’s a privilege. Mixing the two is where parents get into trouble.
The Readiness Checklist
Instead of "You'll get a phone at 12," try focusing on these milestones:
- Physical Responsibility: Can they keep track of their backpack and water bottle for a month straight?
- Emotional Regulation: Do they melt down when Roblox goes down, or can they handle a tech glitch with grace?
- Digital Literacy: Do they know that a "free Robux" link is a scam?
- Need vs. Want: Does their schedule actually require independent communication?
One of the biggest drivers for younger kids wanting phones is to play Roblox on the go. Let's be real: Roblox is a mixed bag. On one hand, it’s a legit platform for learning basic game design and "entrepreneurship" (if you consider selling digital hats entrepreneurship). On the other hand, it is a masterclass in dark patterns designed to make your kid feel "poor" if they don't have the latest skin.
If the younger sibling wants a phone just to play Roblox, they don't need a phone. They need a Nintendo Switch or a shared family iPad.
If you’ve decided the older kid is ready but the younger one isn't, you need a "bridge." This satisfies the desire for tech without opening the floodgates of the open internet.
This is the ultimate training wheels app. Parents control the contact list entirely. If the younger sibling wants to "text" like their big brother, let them do it here with Grandma and their best friend from soccer. It feels like a phone, but it’s a walled garden.
For the 6-10 age range, this is a fantastic alternative to the high-pressure social environment of Roblox. It’s creative, storytelling-based, and doesn't require a data plan to be fun.
If a younger kid wants a "productive" reason to be on a device, Duolingo is the gold standard. It uses the same gamification tricks as "brain rot" apps but actually teaches them Spanish (or Klingon). It’s a great way to show they can handle "daily streaks" and responsibility.
When the first kid gets the phone, the rules you set will become the "law of the land" for every sibling that follows. Don't wing it.
- The Charging Station: Phones sleep in the kitchen, not the bedroom. No exceptions.
- The Open Door Policy: You have the passcode. You don't necessarily read every text (privacy is important as they age), but you have the right to.
- App Approval: Use Bark or Google Family Link to ensure they aren't downloading Discord or Snapchat the second they walk out the door.
Giving the older kid a phone often means they stop engaging with their younger siblings in the "boring" moments—car rides, waiting for dinner, etc. This is the real "unfairness." The younger kid loses their playmate to a screen.
To combat this, keep some "analog" wins in the mix. If the older kid gets a phone, maybe the younger kid gets a high-quality boardgame or a specialized "big kid" Lego set. It’s not about equal tech; it’s about equal attention and "newness."
Avoid the "Brain Rot" Trap
Be wary of the content the older kid is now watching on their phone. Skibidi Toilet might seem harmlessly weird, but it's the tip of the iceberg for "content farms" that offer zero educational value and high-speed overstimulation. If the older kid is watching it, the younger kid is definitely hovering over their shoulder.
When the "it's not fair" sirens start blaring, try this:
"I hear you. It feels like [Older Sibling] is getting something huge and you're being left out. But a phone isn't a toy; it's a responsibility for their specific schedule. When you are [Age/Milestone], we will look at your readiness too. In the meantime, let's look at [Bridge App/Activity] for you."
It won't stop the pouting immediately, but it sets a precedent that tech is earned, not just given.
Giving one kid a phone is a major family transition. It’s the end of one era and the beginning of another. Don't feel pressured by what "everyone else" is doing in the 5th-grade group chat. If your kid isn't ready, they isn't ready—even if their younger sibling is a tech genius.
Focus on the individual. Use Screenwise to see how your family's habits stack up against your community, and remember: you are the pilot of this digital plane. The kids are just the passengers (who really, really want to watch YouTube).
- Take the Survey: Use the Screenwise survey to see if your older child actually meets readiness milestones.
- Audit the Apps: Check the WISE scores for any app your child is begging for.
- Set the Bridge: Download Messenger Kids or Scratch for the younger sibling to give them a sense of digital agency.