TL;DR: Group chats are the modern middle school hallway—loud, chaotic, and high-stakes. To help your kid survive without the drama, teach them to avoid "text-bombing," understand that being "left on read" isn't always a personal attack, and know when to put the phone in another room.
Quick Resources:
- How to set up iMessage parental controls
- Is Discord safe for my middle schooler?
- Inside Out 2 (Great for talking about social anxiety)
- Wonder by R.J. Palacio (The gold standard for teaching digital empathy)
If your kid has a phone or a tablet, you’ve probably heard it: the relentless ping-ping-ping of a group chat that won’t quit. By the time they hit 5th or 6th grade, roughly 60% of kids are active in at least one group chat. By 8th grade, that number jumps to over 90%.
Whether it’s a WhatsApp thread for the soccer team, a Discord server for Minecraft fans, or a massive iMessage thread that includes half the grade, these chats are where "the hang" happens now. But unlike our childhood "hangs" at the mall or the park, these are 24/7, archived forever, and incredibly easy to get wrong.
When your kid says someone’s being "Ohio" (weird/cringe) or they’re worried about being "ghosted," they aren't just using slang; they’re navigating a complex social hierarchy where a single screenshot can end a friendship.
Kids aren't born knowing how to handle a 20-person conversation. Here are the "New Rules" of etiquette that every kid needs to understand before they hit 'send.'
1. The "Text-Bombing" Rule
Nothing makes a kid (or an adult) want to mute a chat faster than one person sending 45 individual messages that could have been one paragraph. In kid-speak, this is "spamming" or "text-bombing." The Lesson: If you have a lot to say, put it in one bubble. If no one responds after two messages, stop typing.
2. "Left on Read" and the Anxiety Loop
In Snapchat and iMessage, kids can see exactly when someone has viewed their message. Being "left on read" is often interpreted as a direct snub. The Lesson: Teach your kid that life happens. Maybe their friend’s mom took their phone away, or they’re at dinner, or they just don’t have the social energy to reply yet. It’s not always "beef."
3. The "Kicking" Power Move
In many apps, the group creator has the power to "kick" or "remove" members. This is the digital equivalent of slamming a door in someone’s face. It’s often used as a weapon in middle school drama. The Lesson: Kicking someone is a "nuclear option." If there’s a conflict, talk it out—don't just delete the person. (And if your kid is the one who got kicked, it’s time for a real-world check-in).
4. Screenshotting is Forever
Kids often think "disappearing" messages on Snapchat or Instagram are actually gone. They aren't. The Lesson: The "Grandma Rule." If you wouldn’t want your grandma (or your principal) to see a screenshot of what you’re typing, don't type it. Period.
Ask our chatbot for a script to talk to your kid about "the screenshot rule"
It’s easy for us to look at a phone blowing up and see "brain rot," but for kids, this is their community.
- Status: Being included in the "main" chat is a massive signal of belonging.
- Inside Jokes: This is where the "Skibidi Toilet" memes and the "Sigma" jokes live. If you aren't in the chat, you don't get the joke at lunch the next day.
- Low-Pressure Socializing: For kids with social anxiety, typing can feel safer than talking face-to-face.
But the downside is real. The "Fear Of Missing Out" (FOMO) is a physiological response for many kids. If they aren't checking the chat, they feel like the world is moving on without them.
Elementary School (Ages 8-10)
At this age, kids are usually on "training wheels" apps like Messenger Kids or Roblox chat.
- The Focus: Kindness.
- The Advice: Treat the chat like you’re standing in a circle at recess. Don't say things behind people's backs, and don't ignore people when they join.
Middle School (Ages 11-13)
This is the "Wild West" phase. This is when they move to Discord, Snapchat, and TikTok DMs.
- The Focus: Boundaries and Mental Health.
- The Advice: Teach them how to "Mute" a chat. Explain that they don't owe anyone an instant response at 9:00 PM.
- Recommendation: Watch Eighth Grade (the movie)—it’s a raw (and sometimes uncomfortable) look at how stressful this digital life is for this age group.
High School (Ages 14-18)
By now, the etiquette is mostly baked in, but the stakes are higher (college admissions, permanent digital footprints).
- The Focus: Integrity and Leadership.
- The Advice: Encourage them to be the person who shuts down a "roast" session or pulls a bullied kid back into the group.
Not all group chats are created equal. While a group chat about Pokemon TCG Live is probably fine, there are places where things get dark quickly.
- The "Stranger" Factor: If your kid is in a Discord server or a Telegram group with people they don't know in real life, the risks of grooming or exposure to inappropriate content skyrocket.
- Bullying Dynamics: If you see your kid frantically checking their phone with a look of dread, or if they suddenly "leave" every group they were in, something is up.
- Toxic Content: Keep an eye out for "edgy" humor that crosses into hate speech. In the quest to be "Sigma" or "cool," kids can sometimes get sucked into chat rooms that normalize toxic masculinity or racism.
Learn more about the "Sigma" trend and what it means for boys
Is your kid's group chat actually a Roblox marketplace? We’ve seen a trend where group chats aren't just for talking; they’re for trading. Whether it’s Adopt Me! pets or skins in Fortnite, group chats are often the venue for "deals."
The Problem: Kids are terrible at spotting scams. If a "friend" in a group chat asks for their password to "give them free Robux," they might actually fall for it. The Fix: Make it a rule that no financial info or passwords ever go into a chat, even with "best friends."
Don't wait for a crisis to talk about chat etiquette. Bring it up casually.
Try these conversation starters:
- "Who's the funniest person in your main group chat?"
- "Does the soccer chat ever get annoying with too many notifications?"
- "What’s the rule for when someone gets 'kicked' from the group?"
- "Have you ever seen someone get 'left on read' and then get mad about it?"
If you want to use media to bridge the gap, try playing Among Us together. The game is literally built on "chatting" to figure out who the imposter is. It’s a great, low-stakes way to show how easily words can be twisted or misunderstood in a text-only environment.
Group chats are a tool for connection, but they require a level of emotional intelligence that most kids are still developing. They’re going to mess up. They’re going to send a joke that lands poorly, and they’re probably going to get their feelings hurt at least once.
Your job isn't to police every "lol" and "fr fr," but to be the person they can come to when the pinging becomes too much to handle.
Next Steps:
- Check the settings: Help your kid find the "Mute" button on iMessage or WhatsApp.
- Establish a "Phone Bed": Create a central charging station where the phone lives at night. No one needs to be navigating middle school drama at 1:00 AM.
- Model it: If you’re text-bombing your family group chat, your kid is watching. (Yes, even you need to follow the rules!)
Check out our guide on the best first phones for kids
Ask our chatbot for more digital wellness tips