Notes App Sorries and Ukulele Songs: Decoding Performative Activism
TL;DR:
- The "Notes App" Apology is the modern PR equivalent of "the dog ate my homework"—low effort, high drama, and usually missing a real apology.
- Performative Activism (like the infamous Blackout Tuesday squares) often prioritizes looking "good" or "woke" over actually doing the work.
- Kids are under immense pressure on TikTok and Instagram to "post or you're part of the problem," which leads to "slacktivism."
- What to watch/read instead: Check out The Good Place for actual ethics, or The Hate U Give for a look at real-world activism.
We’ve all seen it. A YouTuber gets caught saying something horrific, and three days later, they post a grainy screenshot of a message typed into their iPhone Notes app. It usually starts with "I've been doing a lot of reflecting" and ends with "I'm going to take some time away to listen and learn" (translation: I’m going to Cabo for two weeks until this blows over).
Or, if they're feeling particularly creative, they grab a ukulele and sing a ten-minute song about how they aren't actually a groomer, they're just a "passenger on the toxic gossip train." If you haven't seen the Colleen Ballinger situation, count yourself lucky, but your kids definitely have.
This is the world our kids are growing up in. It’s a world where "activism" is often reduced to a 15-second TikTok dance with a caption about climate change, and "accountability" is a carefully curated PR stunt. It’s confusing for us, but for a 13-year-old trying to figure out their identity, it’s a minefield.
At its core, performative activism is "activism" done to increase one's social capital rather than because of one's devotion to a cause. It’s the "look at me being a good person" vibe.
On Instagram, this looks like reposting a "10 Things You Didn't Know About [Insert Global Crisis]" infographic without actually reading it or donating a single dollar. On YouTube, it looks like a creator making a "charity" video where they spend $10,000 to "save the ocean" but the video generates $50,000 in ad revenue for themselves.
It’s "slacktivism"—the idea that clicking "share" is the same thing as making a difference.
Our kids are the most socially conscious generation in history, which is awesome. But they are also under a terrifying amount of peer pressure to "speak up" on every single issue, every single day.
If a major news event happens and a teen doesn't post about it within 24 hours, they risk being "called out" by their friends for being "silent." This creates a culture where kids feel forced to post things they don't understand just to avoid being "canceled" by their own peer group. It’s not about the cause; it’s about survival in the digital social hierarchy.
Learn more about the pressure of "cancel culture" in middle school
When a creator your kid loves gets into hot water, watch the apology video with them. It’s a masterclass in media literacy. Look for these red flags:
- The "Sigh" Start: The video begins with the creator sitting on the floor (to look humble) and letting out a deep, weary sigh.
- The No-Makeup Look: They want to look like they’ve been crying for days, even if they just used a "no-makeup" filter.
- The Passive Voice: "Mistakes were made" instead of "I made a mistake."
- The "I’m Sorry You Feel That Way": This isn't an apology for the action; it’s an apology for the audience's reaction.
- The Pivot to Mental Health: Often, when a creator is caught doing something objectively wrong, they immediately pivot to talking about their own struggles to garner sympathy and shut down criticism.
Check out our guide on identifying manipulative social media content
If you want to help your kids understand ethics, accountability, and real activism, skip the influencer apologies and try these instead:
Ages 12+ This is hands-down the best way to teach kids about moral philosophy without them realizing they’re learning. It tackles the idea of "being a good person" with humor and heart, and it explicitly addresses the idea that doing "good" things for the wrong reasons (like social points) doesn't actually count.
Ages 13+ This book (and the movie) is a powerful look at what real-world activism looks like—the cost, the bravery, and the nuance. It’s a great counterpoint to the "repost a black square" style of digital activism.
Ages 11+ While it's a comedy, Leslie Knope is the ultimate example of "doing the work." She deals with the boring, grueling, un-glamorous side of making a community better. It’s a great way to show that real change usually happens in boring community meetings, not viral videos.
Ages 5-10 For younger kids, this series (including A Kids Book About Racism or A Kids Book About Change) breaks down complex social issues in a way that is honest but age-appropriate, focusing on understanding rather than just "posting."
Next time a viral "scandal" or "movement" hits your kid's feed, try asking these questions:
- "What is the goal of this post?" Is it to raise money? Change a law? Or just make the person posting it look "informed"?
- "Is there an 'ask'?" Does the post ask you to sign a petition, call a representative, or donate? Or does it just ask you to "share if you agree"?
- "What happens after the camera turns off?" If a YouTuber films themselves giving a sandwich to a homeless person, is that activism or is that "poverty porn" for views?
- "How do we know they’re sorry?" In the case of an apology, what are they actually doing to fix the harm? Are they donating the money they made? Are they changing their behavior?
We don't want to raise kids who are cynical, but we do want to raise kids who are discerning.
Digital activism isn't inherently bad—it can be a powerful tool for organizing—but it’s the "easy" version of being a good person. Our job is to remind our kids that real impact usually happens when the phone is in their pocket. It’s the kid they sit with at lunch, the local animal shelter they volunteer at, or the way they treat people when no one is recording.
The "Notes App" is for grocery lists, not for making up for real-world harm. Let’s help our kids see the difference.
Ask our chatbot for more tips on teaching digital media literacy
- Audit the "follows": Have your kid show you three creators they follow who talk about social issues. Are they providing facts or just "vibes"?
- Pick a "Real World" Cause: Find one thing your family can do offline this month—a local food bank, a park cleanup, or even just writing a letter to a local official.
- Watch a "Call Out" Video Together: Find a (relatively clean) video explaining a recent internet controversy and use it as a case study. YouTube is full of "commentary channels" that break these down.