TL;DR: If you’re tired of worrying about who your kid is talking to in Roblox or Minecraft, private servers are your new best friend. They turn a chaotic "town square" filled with strangers into a "private sandbox" where only invited friends can play. It’s the single most effective way to cut out the "stranger danger" and toxic chat without banning the games they love.
Quick Links for the Server Savvy:
Think of a Public Server like a massive public park in the middle of a city. It’s free, it’s exciting, and there are hundreds of people there. Most of them are just other kids trying to have fun, but some are teenagers looking to troll, and a very small percentage might be adults you definitely don't want your kid talking to. In a public server, your child is exposed to the "global chat," which is where the "Ohio" memes, "Skibidi" nonsense, and occasionally, some really inappropriate language live.
A Private Server (sometimes called a VIP server or a Realm) is like your own fenced-in backyard. You own the space. You decide exactly who is allowed through the gate. If your kid wants to play Adopt Me! with three friends from school, they can do it in a private server where the only people they see—and the only people who can message them—are those three friends.
For intentional parents, moving from public to private is the ultimate "level up" in digital wellness. It allows for the creativity and entrepreneurship of gaming without the social toxicity of the open internet.
Kids often gravitate toward public servers because that’s where the "clout" is. They want to show off their rare skins in Fortnite or see what other people are building in Brookhaven. There’s a certain energy to a crowded digital space.
But for us, public servers are where the headaches begin. It’s where they pick up the "brain rot" slang, where they might get scammed out of their Robux, and where "stranger danger" becomes a legitimate concern. By pivoting to private servers, you aren't taking away the game; you're just curating the community.
Learn more about why kids are obsessed with Roblox
Roblox is the most common place you’ll deal with this. Most popular games on the platform offer "Private Servers."
The No-BS Reality: Some private servers are free, but many cost a monthly fee in Robux (usually between 20 and 500 Robux, which is roughly $0.25 to $5.00 USD). It’s a recurring "subscription" per game. If your kid plays five different games, that can add up.
However, it is worth every penny. In a private Roblox server:
- The "Global Chat" is empty except for the friends you invited.
- No "slenders" or "trolls" can harass your kid.
- The gameplay is often smoother because there’s less lag.
Check out our guide on Roblox parental controls
Minecraft is a bit different. You have three main ways to play:
- Local Play: Just on your own device (safe, but lonely).
- Public Servers: Like Hypixel. These are massive, complex, and filled with thousands of strangers. They are "moderated," but things still slip through.
- Minecraft Realms: This is the "official" private server option.
The Verdict: If you have a group of 3-5 neighborhood friends who want to build a world together, Minecraft Realms is the gold standard. It costs about $8/month, but it creates a permanent, safe world that is always "on," even if the host isn't playing. It’s the digital equivalent of a treehouse.
Discord isn't a game, but it’s where gamers hang out. It’s also where things get dicey.
- Public Discord Servers: These can have 100,000+ members. They are often unmoderated or moderated by teenagers who think "edgy" humor is peak comedy. Avoid these for kids under 13 (and maybe even 15).
- Private Discord Servers: This is just a group chat with a fancy name. You can help your kid set up a server for just their soccer team or their school friends.
If your kid says they are "on a server," your first question should always be: "Is it a public community or a private one with people you actually know in real life?"
Ask our chatbot about Discord safety settings
Ages 6-9
At this age, Public Servers should be a hard no. Stick to Minecraft on "Single Player" or local split-screen, or use private Roblox servers where you (the parent) have vetted the friend list. They don't have the social stamina to handle a 14-year-old telling them their build "is mid."
Ages 10-12
This is the transition phase. They’ll want to join the big public servers in Fortnite or Roblox because "everyone else is there." This is a great time to introduce the "Private for Friends, Public for Practice" rule. They can play public games, but Voice Chat and Direct Messaging should remain off.
Ages 13+
By now, they are likely in public servers. The focus shifts from restriction to discernment. Talk to them about "server culture." If a server feels toxic or people are being "sus," they need to know how to leave and block.
Beyond the safety aspect, there’s a practical side to private servers:
- The Subscription Trap: Many Roblox private servers automatically renew. If your kid stops playing a game, you might still be paying 200 Robux a month for that "VIP" access. Check the "Subscriptions" tab in their account settings regularly.
- The "Host" Responsibility: If your kid is the one who "owns" the private server, they might feel social pressure to keep paying for it so their friends can play. It’s a great chance to talk about digital budgets and entrepreneurship.
- Moderation is on You: In a private server, there is no "global moderator." If your kid’s real-life friends start bullying each other in their private Minecraft world, you’re the one who has to handle the "pickup line" drama at school the next day.
Learn more about managing digital allowance and Robux
Instead of saying "I’m locking you in a private server because the internet is scary," try this:
""I want you to have the best experience playing Minecraft without random people ruining your builds or being weird in the chat. Let’s set up a Realm so it’s just you and your friends from school. It’ll be faster, safer, and you’re the boss of who gets to join."
It frames the private server as a feature, not a restriction.
Public servers are the "Wild West" of the internet. They can be fun, but they require a level of digital maturity that most kids under 13 simply don't have. Private servers are the most effective "safety hack" available to parents today. They allow your kids to enjoy the best parts of gaming—collaboration, creativity, and social connection—without the "brain rot" and risks of the town square.
Next Steps:
- Check your kid's Roblox account to see if they are playing in public or private spaces.
- If they play Minecraft, look into Minecraft Realms.
- Have a "vibe check" conversation about who they are actually talking to when they are "on a server."
Check out our guide on the best 'cozy games' that don't even need servers