WISE Score
Avg. Tomatometer
Martians kidnap Santa in a low-budget 1964 fever dream that's famous for being one of the worst movies ever made.
2.825%
This is a disaster, but it's a fascinating one. It’s the kind of movie you watch once just to say you survived it. Unless you're watching the riffed version where people make fun of it, your kids will likely check out after ten minutes of the grainy, green-tinted boredom.
It’s safe, it’s mostly wholesome, but it’s just not very good. It’s a holiday artifact that belongs in a museum of 'What Were They Thinking?' rather than on your Friday night watchlist.
Technically safe for anyone 5 and up, but realistically, only teenagers and adults with a high tolerance for irony will enjoy sitting through this.
The intent is sweet—Martians just want their kids to have fun—but the execution is bizarre and dated. It's theoretically about joy, but it feels like a weird commercial fever dream.
The premise is wild, but the 'imagination' is limited by a non-existent budget. Expect cardboard sets, green face paint, and a guy in a very sad polar bear suit.
It's harmlessly clunky. There's a 'kidnapping' plot, but it's handled with zero intensity. The 'scary' robot and polar bear are laughably fake.
Beyond being a case study in how not to make a movie, there's not much here. It's more of a cultural curiosity than a learning tool.
There’s a specific kind of magic in a movie this poorly made. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians wasn't trying to be a cult classic; it was trying to be a cheap holiday cash-in for 1964 matinees. The result is a film where the 'high-tech' Martian equipment looks like it was scavenged from a kitchen remodel and the dialogue feels like it was written by someone who had only heard of children in passing.
You don't watch this for the plot. You watch it for the sheer audacity of the production. The Martians are just actors in green face paint wearing what look like green flight suits and colanders on their heads. The 'robot' Torg is a boxy monstrosity that makes a Roomba look like a Transformer. For a kid today, it’s a great lesson in how much special effects have changed, but also a lesson in how a bad idea can achieve immortality through sheer weirdness.
If you are going to subject your family to this, do yourself a favor and find the Mystery Science Theater 3000 or RiffTrax versions. Watching it 'straight' is a chore. Watching it while professional comedians tear apart the logic of kidnapping Santa to fix Martian 'brain rot' (yes, that’s the actual plot) turns a boring movie into a hilarious family event. It’s the only way to make the 81-minute runtime feel like a gift rather than a sentence.
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