If you feel like there’s a new Spider-Man movie every six months, you’re not wrong—but Madame Web is a bit of a curveball. It’s part of the Sony Spider-Man Universe (the same world as Morbius and Venom), but it doesn’t actually feature Peter Parker.

The story follows Cassandra Webb (played by Dakota Johnson), a paramedic in 2003 NYC who starts having visions of the future after a near-death experience. She ends up protecting three teenage girls—who are destined to become Spider-Women—from a villain named Ezekiel Sims.

It’s less of a "save the world" movie and more of a "save these three kids from a guy in a suit" movie. Think of it as a supernatural slasher movie, but with a PG-13 rating and a hero who can see five seconds into the future.

You might have heard your kids (or your TikTok feed) joking about "the Amazon." Before the movie even came out, a line from the trailer—"He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died"—became a massive meme.

Then there was the Dakota Johnson press tour. If you haven't seen it, she basically spent the entire month of February 2024 acting like she’d rather be anywhere else than promoting a Marvel movie.

For kids, the interest in this movie usually comes from two places:

Let’s be real: this is not Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It’s not even Spider-Man: No Way Home.

The movie is... clunky. The dialogue is a bit stiff, and for a superhero movie, there is a surprising lack of actual "super" stuff. The girls don't even get their costumes until a brief vision at the end.

However, if you have a middle schooler who is obsessed with the "Spider-Verse" lore or just wants to see Sydney Sweeney in something they’re actually allowed to watch, it’s harmless. It’s the kind of movie you put on while you’re folding laundry. It’s not "brain rot" like some YouTube content, but it’s definitely not high art.

Ask our chatbot for better superhero alternatives for ages 10-12

The villain, Ezekiel, looks like a dark, scary version of Spider-Man. He crawls on walls and kills people with a "poisonous touch." There are several scenes of him hunting the girls through a forest, a diner, and a subway station. It feels a bit more like a thriller/horror movie for beginners than a standard action flick. There is some blood (a character is hit by a car, someone is stabbed with a prop), but it’s mostly kept within the PG-13 "sanitized" zone.

You’ll hear the usual PG-13 suspects: "sh*t," "ass," "hell," and a few uses of "dick." It’s nothing more intense than what you’d find in a standard Marvel movie.

The movie actually has some decent themes about found family and female mentorship. Cassandra is a reluctant hero who has to learn to care for these three girls. There’s no romance in the movie, which is actually a refreshing change of pace for the genre.

If your kids are younger (under 10), they will likely be bored out of their minds. There are long stretches of talking, medical jargon, and 2003-era nostalgia that will go right over their heads (Pepsi logos everywhere, payphones, etc.).

If your kids are older, they might actually enjoy "hate-watching" it or laughing at the parts that the internet turned into memes.

A note on the cast: If your teen is a fan of the actresses, you might want to check out their other work—but be careful. Sydney Sweeney and Isabela Merced are in a lot of projects that are much more mature than this.

If you do watch it together, here are a few ways to turn it into a conversation:

Madame Web is the definition of a "C-grade" superhero movie. It’s not offensive, it’s not dangerous, and it’s not particularly good. But in a world of Roblox scams and Skibidi Toilet marathons, a mediocre PG-13 movie about a lady who saves some teens from a spider-man-lookalike is a relatively low-stakes way to spend two hours.

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