Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – WISE Score & Parent Review | Screenwise

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Name: Screenwise
Author: Screenwise

movie2017

38%

WISE Score

Avg. Tomatometer

The Pirates franchise limps to shore with this bloated, uninspired fifth installment that even Johnny Depp can't save.

30%

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

movie

PG-13, 2017

38%

WISE Score

Avg. Tomatometer

The Pirates franchise limps to shore with this bloated, uninspired fifth installment that even Johnny Depp can't save.

30%

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30%

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Screenwise Verdict

Look, let's be real: this movie is not good. The critics gave it 30% on Rotten Tomatoes for a reason. By the fifth Pirates movie, Disney had squeezed every drop of creativity out of this franchise and left us with a bloated, chaotic mess that even Johnny Depp's charm can't salvage.

The plot is recycled, the pacing is exhausting, and Jack Sparrow's constant drinking has gone from quirky character trait to uncomfortable normalization. Sure, there are some decent visual effects and a few emotional beats about family, but you'll have to wade through over two hours of noise to find them.

If your kids are huge Pirates fans and need to complete the series, fine—but set expectations low. For everyone else? There are so many better adventure movies out there. The 39 Metacritic score and 2.7/5 on Letterboxd tell the story: even audiences who wanted to like it couldn't. This is franchise fatigue at its finest, and your family's time is worth more.

Age Fit

Common Sense Media pegs this at 12+, which feels right given the scary imagery, violence, and alcohol content. That said, even 12-year-olds might find it boring—this is really for die-hard Pirates fans who need closure, not new audiences.

WISE Breakdown

Wholesome

Fifth installment in a franchise that's lost its charm. Features alcohol-soaked protagonist Jack Sparrow stumbling through yet another adventure. Models cooperation only superficially—mostly characters double-crossing each other. Pacing is chaotic with bloated action sequences that feel exhausting rather than exciting. Some positive family themes (son searching for father) but buried under noise.

Imaginative

The franchise has run out of original ideas by this point. Ghost pirates, cursed treasures, magical artifacts—all retreads of earlier films. The Trident of Poseidon concept could be interesting but executed with zero creativity. More CGI spectacle than genuine imagination. No invitation to explore or create; just passive consumption of recycled pirate tropes. The 30% critic score on RT reflects how creatively bankrupt this feels.

Safe

Rated PG-13 equivalent with Common Sense Media suggesting age 12+. Contains fantasy violence, peril, scary ghost imagery (undead sailors), and alcohol references throughout (Jack Sparrow's constant drinking). Some execution scenes shown. No nudity or sex but romantic subplot. Ghost effects could frighten younger viewers. Generally predictable Disney-level content—nothing shockingly inappropriate but enough intensity to warrant the teen rating. As a theatrical release, content is transparent and expected.

Enriching

Minimal educational or growth value. Female lead is an astronomer which could inspire STEM interest, but it's window dressing. Themes about breaking curses and family reconciliation exist but handled superficially. Mostly just loud action and quips. The 39 Metacritic score tells the story—critics found it empty spectacle. Kids won't learn much or gain meaningful insights. Entertainment value is also questionable given how tired the franchise feels.

Parent Info

✓

Why It Might Be Great

If your kids loved the earlier Pirates movies, they might enjoy seeing Jack Sparrow one more time (though prepare for disappointment)
Female lead is an astronomer breaking gender barriers in the 1700s—could spark conversations about women in STEM
Big-budget spectacle with impressive visual effects if you just want loud entertainment
Father-son reconciliation subplot has some emotional moments buried in there somewhere

⚠

What to Watch For

Jack Sparrow drinks constantly—it's played for laughs but normalizes alcohol use
Undead ghost pirates with decaying faces and creepy effects that may frighten kids under 10
Execution scenes and fantasy violence throughout (swords, cannons, people in peril)
At 129 minutes, it's way too long and kids will likely get bored
Honestly? The whole thing is just exhausting and not particularly good

Conversation Starters

"Why do you think the astronomer character faces so much skepticism? Have you ever had an idea people didn't believe?"
"Jack Sparrow drinks a lot in these movies—why do you think they show that as funny?"
"If you could search for any legendary object like the Trident, what would it be and why?"
"The son is trying to save his cursed father—what would you risk for family?"

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