Look, this movie is exhausting. At nearly three hours, it's the definition of 'too much of a decent thing.' The first Pirates movie was a delightful surprise—witty, adventurous, self-aware. By the third installment, the franchise is drowning in its own ambition.

The opening execution scene (yes, including a child being hanged) immediately signals this isn't the swashbuckling fun of the original. The plot requires a flowchart to follow, with characters betraying each other so frequently you'll need a spreadsheet. And while the maelstrom battle is visually stunning, you'll be checking your watch wondering if this voyage will ever end.

The 43% critic score tells the real story—this is a bloated, over-complicated mess that prioritizes spectacle over story. Kids who loved the first film may be disappointed by the darker tone and confusing narrative. That said, if your teen is already invested in the trilogy and can handle intense PG-13 action, they'll probably want to see how it ends. Just be prepared for questions about what the hell just happened, and maybe have the plot summary from Wikipedia ready.