Look, Full House is the definition of wholesome family television—it's safe, it's kind, it models healthy relationships, and every episode ends with a hug and a lesson. On paper, it should score brilliantly.

But here's the truth: this show is 38 years old and it feels every single day of it. The laugh tracks, the exaggerated acting, the painfully obvious moral lessons, the complete lack of subtlety—it's all aged like milk. A Metacritic score of 31 tells you that even in its heyday, critics knew this was treacle.

Modern kids who are used to Bluey's sophisticated storytelling or even the faster pace of Disney Channel shows will find Full House almost unwatchable. The jokes land with a thud, the pacing drags, and the 'very special episode' formula feels prehistoric.

If you're a millennial parent feeling nostalgic, go ahead and try an episode—but don't be surprised when your kids beg to watch literally anything else after ten minutes. The WISE principles are there, but the entertainment value has left the building.