The Way I Used to Be

The Way I Used to Be

book

2017, Teen & Young Adult, Literature & Fiction

WISE
52%

WISE Score

4.5

Amazon

A devastating but ultimately hopeful trauma narrative about a girl rebuilding herself after rape—only for readers mature enough to handle it.

Amazon4.5
Common Sense Media

Where to Read

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Screenwise Verdict

Let's be clear: this is not a book for most teenagers. It's a rape trauma narrative with explicit content and a protagonist who spends four years in emotional devastation before finding her way to strength.

That said, for the right reader at the right time—a mature 16 or 17-year-old, perhaps someone processing their own trauma or trying to understand what a friend went through—this can be profoundly meaningful. The 4.5 Amazon rating and NYT bestseller status suggest it resonates deeply with readers who need it.

The comparison to Speak is apt, and if your teen loved that book and is ready for something even more raw, this delivers. But please, please don't hand this to a 13-year-old just because they read at a high level. The reading level isn't the issue—it's the emotional content.

This is one of those books where the WISE score reflects its narrow but important audience. It's not safe for most kids, it's not wholesome in tone, but it's deeply enriching for mature teens who are ready to engage with difficult truths about trauma and survival.

Age Fit

This is for mature 16+ readers only. The explicit sexual assault content and intense trauma narrative require significant emotional maturity. Younger teens aren't ready for this, even if they're advanced readers. It's an important book for older teens who can process difficult content.

WISE Breakdown
Wholesome
35

This is a trauma narrative about rape and its aftermath. While the book ultimately shows strength and survival, the journey includes self-destructive behavior, emotional devastation, and the protagonist's world 'capsizing.' The content is emotionally heavy and deals with the darkest aspects of adolescent trauma—not emotionally healthy for younger readers, though it models important truths about survival.

Imaginative
55

The four-part structure (freshman through senior year) is a thoughtful narrative device, and the exploration of trauma's impact on identity shows psychological depth. However, this is realistic fiction focused on a specific traumatic experience rather than expansive world-building or creative exploration. It's more about internal devastation and reconstruction than imagination.

Safe
25

Contains explicit sexual assault, self-destructive coping mechanisms throughout high school, and emotionally intense content. This is definitively NOT safe for younger readers to encounter unexpectedly. While books about difficult topics serve an important purpose, the rape scene and subsequent trauma responses make this inappropriate for children and require significant maturity to process.

Enriching
78

For mature teens who are ready, this is deeply enriching. It tackles consent, trauma, the long-term effects of sexual assault, the difficulty of speaking up, and ultimately the power of survival. Compared to Speak (Laurie Halse Anderson's classic), it offers insight into how trauma reshapes identity and relationships. The 4.5 Amazon rating and comparison to acclaimed trauma narratives suggests it resonates meaningfully with readers who need these stories.

Parent Info
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Why It Might Be Great

  • Gives voice to the unspeakable: what it's really like when your world collapses after sexual assault and you can't tell anyone
  • Shows the messy, non-linear reality of trauma recovery rather than tidy healing arcs
  • Compared to Speak (the gold standard) and earned NYT bestseller status for its raw honesty
  • The four-year structure lets readers see how trauma ripples through every aspect of adolescence—friendships, first love, identity
  • Ultimately about finding strength you didn't know you had, which can be profoundly validating for teen survivors
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What to Watch For

  • Explicit rape scene involving a trusted person (brother's best friend)—this is not subtle or off-page
  • Self-destructive coping behaviors throughout: the protagonist's response to trauma includes risky choices
  • This will be emotionally devastating to read, even with the hopeful ending
  • Not appropriate for middle schoolers or young high schoolers—requires significant emotional maturity

Conversation Starters

  • "Eden couldn't tell anyone what happened to her. Why do you think it's so hard for survivors to speak up, especially when they know the person?"
  • "The book shows how trauma changed everything Eden loved and who she loved. How does something terrible reshape who we are?"
  • "What do you think about the way Eden coped with what happened to her? What would healthy coping look like?"
  • "Why do you think the author chose to tell the story across all four years of high school instead of just the immediate aftermath?"

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