The Uncanny Valley Meets Broadway
When Universal greenlit a $100 million film adaptation of Cats, they lined up top-tier talent: Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, Idris Elba, Taylor Swift, and Royal Ballet principal Francesca Hayward. What they did not anticipate was that turning famous actors into digital cat-human hybrids would produce one of the most visually unsettling experiences in modern studio history.
The basic premise follows Victoria, an abandoned white cat introduced to the Jellicle tribe on the night of the Jellicle Choice—a ritual where Old Deuteronomy (Judi Dench) selects one cat to ascend to the "Heaviside Layer" to be reborn. What works on a live stage through theatrical suspension of disbelief completely collapses under photorealistic lighting. Hands look like human hands, feet look like bare human feet, and characters randomly alternate between walking on all fours and strutting in heels.
Why it fails for kids (and wins on bad-movie night)
For younger children, Cats isn't explicitly graphic, but it is deeply strange and remarkably slow. There is virtually no narrative driving the movie forward. Character after character steps out, sings a five-minute song explaining their specific personality archetype, and steps back into the pile.
The comedy bits do not help. Rebel Wilson plays Jennyanydots, a cat who dances with mice and cockroaches featuring human faces before peeling off her own skin to reveal another fur coat underneath. It feels less like a family musical and more like a fever dream.
If you have middle schoolers or teens who appreciate ironic viewing or enjoy dissecting cinematic disasters, Cats has earned a legitimate cult reputation. Otherwise, save two hours and stream the 1998 filmed stage version instead.
