Realms are Microsoft's subscription-based private servers for Minecraft. Think of them as your kid's own little corner of the Minecraft universe—invite-only, persistent (the world keeps running even when they log off), and way more controlled than hopping onto a random public server where anyone can join.

There are two versions:

Cost is about $8-10/month depending on edition. Not cheap, but if your kid is deep into Minecraft and begging to play with friends, it's often worth it for the peace of mind.

The good news: Realms solve the biggest multiplayer safety problem—stranger danger. Your kid isn't joining a server with 200 random people, half of whom have usernames that would make a sailor blush. They're playing with people you (theoretically) know.

The reality check: Just because it's invite-only doesn't mean drama won't happen. Kids are kids. They'll grief each other's builds, steal diamonds, "accidentally" set someone's house on fire, and test boundaries. The difference is that on a Realm, you have control.

This is your first line of defense. Only the Realm owner (probably you or your kid, depending on whose account it's under) can invite players. Here's the thing: you should approve every single invite, at least initially.

Sit down with your kid and ask:

For younger kids (under 10), stick to kids you actually know—classmates, cousins, neighbors. For tweens and teens, you might expand to online friends, but tread carefully. Learn more about online friendships and gaming.

Once someone's invited, you can control what they can do:

Operator vs. Member vs. Visitor:

Start conservative. New players should be Members, not Operators. You can always promote them later.

When you create or manage a Realm, pay attention to these settings:

PvP (Player vs. Player): Turn this OFF unless your kid and their friends specifically want combat. Even friendly kids can get tilted when someone kills them and takes their stuff.

Difficulty: Peaceful or Easy mode reduces the game's challenge but also reduces frustration. Less frustration = less conflict = less drama.

Trust Players: This setting in Bedrock determines whether players can break/place blocks. If you're paranoid about griefing, you can technically turn this off, but it kind of defeats the purpose of multiplayer Minecraft.

World Backup: Realms auto-backup, and you can manually create backups before big changes. USE THIS FEATURE. When (not if) someone accidentally blows up spawn with TNT, you can roll back.

Here's where it gets real: Your kid needs to understand that running or being part of a Realm comes with responsibilities.

They're the host. That means:

This is actually a great opportunity to teach digital citizenship. Running a Realm is like hosting a party. You don't let people trash your house just because they're "friends."

Different rules:

Even on a "safe" Realm, things can go sideways. Watch for:

Sudden mood changes after playing: If your kid logs off angry, sad, or anxious every time, ask what's happening. Are they being excluded? Griefed? Bullied?

Requests to add strangers: "Can I invite this cool person I met on a public server?" Nope. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Here's why that's risky.

Pressure to share account info: No one should ever need your kid's Microsoft account password. If someone's asking, that's a huge red flag.

Inappropriate builds or chat: If someone builds a swastika or starts spamming slurs in chat, your kid should screenshot it, tell you, and the owner should ban that player immediately.

Realms have built-in text chat. There's no voice chat (thank god), but text can still be a problem.

For Bedrock Edition: Microsoft has chat filtering and moderation tools that flag inappropriate language. It's not perfect, but it catches a lot.

For Java Edition: No built-in filtering. You're relying on your kid and the other players to self-regulate.

Your move: Periodically check the chat logs if your kid's account owns the Realm. You can view chat history through the Realm settings. Don't read every message like a helicopter parent, but spot-check, especially if you sense something's off.

Ages 6-8: Realms are probably overkill. These kids should play Minecraft solo or in the same room with a sibling. If you do set up a Realm, it should be family-only, and you should be actively supervising.

Ages 9-11: Sweet spot for Realms with IRL friends. Keep the invite list small (3-5 kids), and check in regularly. These kids still need help navigating social conflict.

Ages 12-14: They can handle larger Realms and more independence, but you should still know who's playing and have periodic conversations about what's happening. This is the age where drama ramps up.

Ages 15+: If they've proven responsible, you can step back. But make it clear: If someone's being toxic or making them uncomfortable, they should tell you or handle it by removing that person.

Maybe Realms aren't the right fit. Other options:

Local multiplayer: If your kids and their friends are in the same house, they can play on a local network without any server. Zero cost, zero internet strangers.

Parent-run private server: More technical, but you can set up your own Minecraft server with even more control. This requires some tech know-how and possibly a spare computer or a hosting service.

Other multiplayer games: If Minecraft's social scene is stressing you out, consider multiplayer games for kids that might have better built-in moderation, like Animal Crossing or Mario Kart.

"My kid wants to join a Realm run by someone I don't know. What do I do?"

Talk to the other parent if possible. If you can't verify who's running it, the answer is no. There are too many stories of "kid-run" Realms that are actually managed by adults with bad intentions.

"Someone griefed my kid's build and they're devastated. Now what?"

First, restore from backup if possible. Second, talk to the Realm owner (if it's not your kid) about removing the griefer. Third, use this as a teaching moment: Sometimes people are jerks online, and it sucks, but we can rebuild. Literally.

"Is it weird that I'm paying $10/month for my kid to play Minecraft with their friends?"

Nope. You probably spend more on a single movie outing. If Realms are fostering genuine friendships and your kid is learning to collaborate and problem-solve, it's money well spent. If it's just a drama factory, reassess.

Realms are a solid middle ground between "no multiplayer ever" and "free-for-all public servers." They give your kid the social experience of playing with friends while keeping strangers out. But they're not a magic safety bullet. You still need to:

Done right, Realms can be a genuinely positive space where your kid learns teamwork, creativity, and how to handle conflict in a low-stakes environment. Done wrong, they're a $10/month subscription to middle school drama in block form.

Want to dig deeper into Minecraft safety? Check out our full Minecraft parent guide or learn about Minecraft Education Edition if you want to lean into the educational side.

And if Realms still feel like too much, there are plenty of single-player games that teach similar skills without the social complexity. You've got options.