TL;DR: Discord is the "town square" of the internet for anyone under 20. It’s where they talk while playing Fortnite, trade items in Roblox, and share memes that make zero sense to us. The keys to safety here are the Family Center, locking down Direct Messages (DMs), and understanding that Discord is a "choose your own adventure" app—it can be a cozy book club or a chaotic basement party depending on the settings.
Quick Links for Context:
If you haven’t opened the app yet, imagine if Slack (the office chat tool) and Skype had a baby that was obsessed with Minecraft.
Discord is organized into Servers. A server is basically a giant house. Inside that house are different Channels (rooms). Some rooms are for texting, some are for voice chatting, and some are for streaming video.
Your kid might be in a private server with five friends from school, but they might also be in a public server with 50,000 strangers who all like the same YouTube creator or Valorant strategy.
It’s where the culture happens. If you’ve heard your kid say something is "so Ohio" or mention "Skibidi," they probably saw it on TikTok first, but they talked about it on Discord.
For gamers, it’s essential. It’s much easier to coordinate a raid in World of Warcraft or a match in League of Legends via Discord than using the clunky in-game chat systems. It’s their "third place"—the spot that isn't school or home where they can just hang out.
For a long time, Discord was a black box for parents. You knew they were on it, but you had no idea who they were talking to. Discord finally rolled out the Family Center, and it’s a solid middle ground between "total surveillance" and "total ignorance."
What it does: It sends you a weekly email summary and gives you a dashboard. You can see:
- Who they’ve messaged or called recently.
- Which new friends they’ve added.
- Which servers they’ve joined.
What it DOES NOT do: It doesn't let you read their actual messages. This is important. If you tell your 14-year-old you're going to read every word they type, they’ll just move to a "burner" account or a different app like Snapchat. The Family Center gives you the "who" and "where" without violating the "what," which preserves that fragile teenage trust.
Learn how to link your account to the Family Center
If you do nothing else, sit down with your kid and toggle these specific settings. You can find these under User Settings > Privacy & Safety.
1. Safe Direct Messaging
Discord uses AI to scan images sent in DMs. You want to set this to "Keep Me Safe." This will automatically blur and block explicit images. It’s not 100% perfect, but it’s the digital equivalent of a hazmat suit for your kid’s inbox.
2. Server Privacy Defaults
When your kid joins a new server, the default is often that anyone in that server can send them a Direct Message (DM). This is how "stranger danger" happens on Discord.
- The Move: Turn off "Allow direct messages from server members."
- Why: If they want to talk to someone, they have to add them as a friend first. This creates a friction point that stops random trolls or predators from sliding into their DMs.
3. Friend Request Controls
You can limit who is allowed to send your kid a friend request.
- Options: Everyone, Friends of Friends, or Server Members.
- The Recommendation: Set it to "Friends of Friends" or just "Server Members." If it’s set to "Everyone," literally anyone who knows their username (which isn't hard to find) can spam them.
4. Data Privacy
Discord likes to collect data on how you use the app. In the "Privacy & Safety" menu, you can toggle off "Use data to improve Discord" and "Use data to customize my experience." It’s a small win for digital footprint management.
Discord’s official age rating is 13+. This isn't just a suggestion; it’s based on COPPA (Children's Online Privacy Protection Act) laws.
Ages 10-12
Honestly? They probably shouldn't be on it yet. But we live in the real world, and if all their friends are using it to play Among Us, they’re going to feel left out.
- The Strategy: If you allow it, the account should probably be on your phone or a shared computer. Keep the servers limited to only real-life friends. No public servers.
Ages 13-15
This is the prime Discord era. They want to join "Community Servers" for their favorite games or YouTubers like MrBeast.
- The Strategy: Use the Family Center. Talk about what to do if a "Mod" (moderator) asks for personal info or if a "Nitro" (Discord’s premium subscription) scam pops up.
Ages 16+
At this point, they’re likely navigating complex social dynamics and large servers.
- The Strategy: Focus on "digital hygiene." Discuss how what they say in a "private" server can easily be screenshotted and shared.
Ask our chatbot about the risks of public Discord servers
Discord is generally a great tool, but there are three specific things that should trigger a "we need to talk" moment:
- "Nitro" Scams: Users will often get DMs saying "You won free Nitro! Just click this link and log in." These are phishing scams designed to steal accounts. Tell your kid: If it’s free, it’s a scam.
- Raiding: This is when a group of people flood a server to harass the members or post inappropriate content. If your kid says their server got "raided," they might have seen some pretty nasty stuff.
- The "Vibe" of Large Servers: Some servers for games like Genshin Impact or Minecraft are well-moderated. Others are "anarchy" servers where anything goes. Ask your kid, "Who are the mods on this server? Do they actually enforce the rules?"
Instead of being the "internet police," try being the "internet consultant."
Try saying:
- "Hey, I saw Discord added a Family Center feature. I’d like to link our accounts so I can see what kind of communities you’re into. I won't be able to read your texts, but I want to make sure the servers you're in aren't toxic."
- "I heard there are a lot of 'Nitro' scams going around lately. Have you seen any of those in your DMs?"
- "If someone ever makes you feel weird in a voice channel, you know how to block them, right? Show me real quick."
Check out our guide on how to talk to kids about online predators
Discord is a powerful communication tool that is practically unavoidable for modern kids. It isn't "brain rot" like some mindless scrolling apps, but it is a social minefield.
By using the Family Center, locking down DMs, and having an open dialogue about Server safety, you can let them enjoy their gaming communities without leaving the door wide open to the darker corners of the web.
Next Steps:
- Open the Discord app with your child.
- Go to User Settings > Family Center and follow the setup.
- Check the Privacy & Safety tab to ensure "Safe Direct Messaging" is on.
- Ask them to show you their favorite "Emoji" or "Sticker" on their favorite server—it’s an easy way to see the "vibe" of the group without being intrusive.
Learn more about Discord's "Nitro" subscription and if it's worth the money