Name: Screenwise
Author: Screenwise

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Screenwise Verdict

Look, I'm going to level with you: this movie is genuinely terrible. Not in a 'so bad it's good' way, but in a 'why does this exist' way.

The Friedberg-Seltzer duo (who brought you equally painful movies like Epic Movie and Disaster Movie) made a career of churning out lazy parodies, and Vampires Suck is peak laziness. It takes the Twilight saga and adds fart jokes, pop culture references that were already dated in 2010, and sexual humor that's more cringe than comedy.

The numbers don't lie: 4% critic score, 3.4/10 on IMDb, 18/100 on Metacritic. Even the Rotten Tomatoes audience score is only 30%, which means the actual target demographic—Twilight-obsessed teens—couldn't stand it either.

There's no redeeming educational value, no clever satire, no heart. It's just 82 minutes of painful gags strung together. If your teen wants to watch a vampire comedy, literally anything else would be better. Even just rewatching Twilight and making your own jokes would be more entertaining.

Hard pass.

Age Fit

Common Sense Media says 15+, but honestly, even 15-year-olds deserve better. This is technically aimed at teens who were into Twilight in 2010, but it failed to land with that audience too. Skip it entirely.

WISE Breakdown

Wholesome

25

A Friedberg-Seltzer spoof that relies on crude humor, sexual innuendo, and mean-spirited jokes. The tone is chaotic and lowbrow throughout, with minimal positive modeling of relationships or behavior. Common Sense Media flags it as laden with sex and violence content.

Imaginative

15

This is a paint-by-numbers parody that takes the Twilight formula and adds broad, obvious gags. Zero originality—just recycled pop culture references and slapstick. Critics universally panned it as 'witlessly broad' and 'utterly devoid' of creativity. Letterboxd 2.0/5 and 4% on Rotten Tomatoes tell the story.

Safe

40

PG-13 territory with sexual humor, crude jokes, and some violence played for laughs. Common Sense Media rates it 15+, noting the sex-and-violence-laden content. No graphic gore or nudity, but the constant barrage of inappropriate jokes makes it unsuitable for younger teens. Predictable spoof format means no shocking surprises, at least.

Enriching

10

Absolutely nothing to learn here except maybe what not to do when making a comedy. Zero emotional depth, no character growth, no meaningful themes. It's 82 minutes of derivative gags that mock a franchise without adding insight or wit. IMDb 3.4/10 and Metacritic 18/100 reflect its complete lack of value.

Parent Info

✓

Why It Might Be Great

If your teen is obsessed with Twilight and has already seen it 47 times, they might get a few of the references
It's mercifully short at 82 minutes
Could serve as a case study in how NOT to make a comedy

⚠

What to Watch For

Constant crude sexual humor and innuendo that's more uncomfortable than funny
Aggressively lowbrow comedy with zero wit or cleverness
Your teen will likely be bored within 10 minutes—even the target audience hated this (30% audience score)
The humor is mean-spirited without being clever enough to justify it

Conversation Starters

"What makes a parody actually funny versus just lazy?"
"Have you seen any spoofs or parodies that you thought were actually good?"
"Why do you think critics and audiences both hated this so much?"

Deep Dive

The "spoof" factory at its lowest point

If you were around in 2010, you remember the onslaught of "Movie" movies—Epic Movie, Date Movie, Disaster Movie. This is from that same assembly line, and it represents the absolute bottom of the barrel. The strategy here wasn't to write jokes; it was to find a popular trailer, recreate the costumes on a shoestring budget, and then have someone get hit in the face with a toaster.

There is a fundamental difference between a parody that loves its source material and one that just wants to exploit it. Movies like Scream or Galaxy Quest work because they understand the "rules" of the genre they’re mocking. Vampires Suck doesn't care about the rules. It barely cares about the plot. It’s a series of vignettes that felt dated the week they were filmed. If your teen is looking for a clever deconstruction of the Twilight phenomenon, they won’t find it here. They’ll just find 80 minutes of mean-spirited gags that haven't aged well.

Why it fails the "so bad it's good" test

We often give "bad" movies a pass if they have a certain charm or accidental hilarity. This movie has neither. Because it’s trying so hard to be funny every three seconds, there’s no room for the kind of earnest weirdness that makes a movie a cult classic.

The critics were brutal for a reason. With a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 3.4 on IMDb, this isn't just a "matter of taste" situation. It’s a consensus. The humor relies heavily on:

Physical slapstick that feels like a rejected TikTok challenge.
Pop culture references to celebrities who haven't been relevant in fifteen years.
"Gross-out" humor that feels desperate rather than edgy.

If you’re looking for something that actually captures the mood or the romance of the genre without the cringe, we have much better suggestions in our guide to the best vampire movies for teens.

The "If your kid liked Twilight" move

Usually, if a kid is a superfan of a franchise, they’ll enjoy a parody of it. In this case, the opposite is true. Vampires Suck treats the audience like they’re stupid for liking the source material. It doesn't poke fun at the tropes; it just mocks the characters.

If your teen is currently obsessed with the Twilight books or films, this movie will likely just annoy them. The "Becca" and "Edward" stand-ins are one-dimensional caricatures that lack any of the chemistry that made the original series a hit. If they want a laugh, they’re better off watching "bad movie" commentary videos on YouTube where creators actually put effort into the critique. This is just a waste of a Friday night.

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